i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
