Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
