69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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