I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
