I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
