My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize