don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
