i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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