The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
