Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
