i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
