i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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