She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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