ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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