My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize