it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize