He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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