I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
