yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
