And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
