Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
