I can text with my tongue
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
