I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She told me I should be a condom model.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
