just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
