Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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