I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
