Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
