please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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