her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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