everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize