she woke up with a sticky ear
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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