i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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