On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
