she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
