And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
