He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
