he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
