Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize