I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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