i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize