well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she pinky promised me she was 18
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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