I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
