But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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