Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i came on her dog
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
