So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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