Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
