You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
