I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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