i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
