Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
