I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
