The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
