Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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