just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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