U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize