my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
