sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
