best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
