At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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