The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
