the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
