oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
