she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
