Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
