After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
