You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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